Gaining So Much More Than What I Lost!

“To lose confidence in one’s body is to lose confidence in oneself.” ― Simone de Beauvoir

.... It is truly amazing! Since I made the conscious decision to fully embody the Goddess on a physical level, I have been re-gaining all that I once lost: my self-esteem, my confidence, true love for my body, and most important, the simple pleasure in being ME. Plus, I have lost 17 pounds since the end of March! Almost effortlessly, I might add. Just one unexpected shift in my thinking has changed
E V E R Y T H I N G! 

Some of changes I have noticed in recent weeks:

1. My Balance Has Improved: Now 'tree' pose is easy. I can even raise my hands in a graceful overhead prayer and sway them slowly to and fro!
2. I Am More Conscious: I no longer eat mindlessly, nor too much! That habit just fell away ~ no struggle whatsoever... 
3. I Hear My Body: Listening to my body feels effortless, now. It is a pleasure to treat her with respect and consideration and kindness. 
4. Healthy is Satisfying: I no longer crave carbs or sugary sweets. I am not even tempted ~ Now, my body craves fresh fruit: especially juicy peaches, cherries, apples, grapes, plums, strawberries and blueberries.
5. I Am Moving More Gracefully: I can feel myself flowing, gliding, and gently navigating though my day like I use to. I have regained my sense of self. I now feel at ease and comfortable claiming space. At long last, it is a joy to be in harmony with my body and my surroundings.
6. My Hair Is Growing Super Long: I have always had long hair, but now it is growing faster than I ever remember. It is healthy and shiny and bouncy again. Plus, I am not losing as much when I brush or wash it!
7. I Am Feeling Sexy: This is huge! It has been a long time since I felt passions flame, this sense of sassiness, and my inner harlot. I like it! Though I have not changed that much without, major renovations are happening within! I am a wild woman!
8. My Skin Is Healthier: No more dry, wrinkly skin! No more itchy scalp! 
9. I Have More Energy: Seriously! There is a bounce in my step. I am accomplishing more and feel the divine moving through my essence.
10. I Am Happy: Really, truly. I am enjoying so many sensual pleasures. I    am feeling excited! Excited to be alive, living my truth, expressing my radiance, making space for abundance and opening up to the unlimited possibilities! Life is truly beautiful!!!

. . . Meditation is a tool to shake yourself awake. A way to discover what you love. A practice to return yourself to your body when the mind medleys threaten to usurp your sanity.” ― Geneen Roth

19 June 2014  Journal Entry:

I am truly caring for myself. I am being nourished and sustained in ways I did not expect to be. How glorious that a few simple changes can shift everything for the better. The little moment to moment choices that I make concerning my diet, the way I spend my time, what I think, and how I move my body have made a radical difference in my quality of life!

~~~~

Eating more yogurt - not the sugar filled kind, but Fage Greek yogurt, every day, makes me feel so good on the inside. My body is devouring the nutrients in all the fresh, organic vegetables and fruits I have added to my daily menu. Drinking more water than I ever have is cleansing and restoring my body; I can feel it coming alive! I am on the edge of thriving!

Meditating... This simple 20 minute practice clears away more than I ever realized it could. I come away from the experience feeling lighter, more free. Sometimes, without effort I enter into a place of stillness, emptiness, quiet. Which is the most extraordinary thing for a woman like me, whose thoughts are a constant waterfall or at least, a babbling brook.  
Yoga. I love yoga! When I first started I felt so fat, cumbersome, clumsy, stiff, and old. Now, slowly ~ I am becoming more agile, more flexible, more elastic, more capable of moving with ease. My body is remembering the way it moved when I was a girl. Though I am far from that place of being, I can imagine myself being there once more. For now, this is enough.

Breathing... How can breathing be such a struggle when it is an involuntary act? I do not know. But if I think about my breath, I immediately hold it, fight against it, or try to control it. I am learning to let it go; to relax with my sacred breath; to take in a full breath, just as full as the amount I willingly exhale. 

This week, while listening to a radio program, I heard something that halted my thoughts while at the same time caused them to forge new pathways in my brain: 

The woman speaking commented in such a way as to express that we as women, breathe shallowly, because we are not allowing ourselves to receive as deeply as we give away. WOW! This rang so true for me. As if the very act, our natural right to breathe in air, might infringe upon someone else! I spent a lot of time thinking on this... and now, I choose to allow myself to breathe in as deeply as I possibly can. It still does not come naturally, but it feels so good! I must practice so it becomes a habit.

These four simple necessities - breathing, eating, moving and resting. Each a sacred act. Yet, on some unspoken, unconscious level, I just now realize that I must have been made to feel (at some time in my life) guilty and unworthy to even be alive. Thus explains the silent war I have waged within myself about my value and my right to receive the essential nourishment that I require. No wonder my body held on to all that it could get. In its wisdom, it knew that it deserved to live, to take up space, to hold energy. 



My Sacred Vow:

In this moment, NOW, I grant my self permission to breathe, to eat, to rest and to move freely, wildly, joyfully, ecstatically! Never again will I be made to feel that I am unworthy to be alive on this planet, to be part of the body of my Mother Earth. Never again will I allow myself to mistreat nor deny my beautiful body these basic rights to life. Instead, I will consciously and purposefully set aside scheduled time to embrace and be nourished by each. And so it is.



AFFIRMATIONS:

I LOVE myself enough to make wise and healthy choices.

I LOVE my body so much that I will be a good mother caring for it. I will be a good lover providing for its pleasure, its safety, comfort, health and freedom to express its true essence.

I forgive all wrong doings, harm, neglect and betrayal done against my body, mind and spirit.

I accept what is rightfully mine with joy and peace of mind. I will open to receive graciously.

I am free to breathe, to nourish myself, to rest when I need to, to take up space and move as I desire.  

I release all fears that have held me prisoner, waged war against my body and emotions, and have lied to me.

I LOVE my body. I LOVE my mind. I LOVE my spirit. I LOVE my emotions. I LOVE me! 

“Do something every day that is loving toward your body and gives you the opportunity to enjoy the sensations of your body.” ― Golda Poretsky

I Embody the Goddess!


photo credit:

Alto/Antoine Arraou via Getty Images
Pearl Mala by CatandtheBird on Etsy.com
One With Nature  by Wind Stock Photo

My Inner Goddess is a Healer, Teacher and Wise Woman Speaking the Language of Soul!

 

 “Intuition is seeing with the soul.” ― Dean Koontz 

How often do we truly listen to our intuition and follow her wise advice? I think that I do, but after something traumatic happens, I regretfully realize, I ignored her. But why ? Is it a trust issue? Or, just a lack of properly paying attention? Perhaps. But I think for me, it's more an attitude of "I'll do it my way, thank you!" How foolish and childish this is. Especially since I know that my intuition is the divine essence of my soul trying to communicate with me!

My inner voice of wisdom was speaking loud, and clearly the day I 'hurt' my back. Had I listened to my knowing, instead of my ego/mind, I would have graciously left my yoga class and came home to care for myself. Hindsight is always bright with clarity; is it not? Thankfully, I eventually discover the gift in every situation, even when I won't accept it at the time it is given. 

Now, I see this experience as the voice of the Goddess. She was saying: "Darling, since you haven't heeded my suggestions to stop and truly listen to me and to your own precious body, and, since you also have long refused my invitations to allow yourself a vacation, I'm confining you to a week of bed rest... And, I will not hear another word about it!"

After a week spent quietly in bed, I felt so much better; calmer, more peaceful. I felt restored on levels that I have long neglected. Since, I don't have electronics in my bedroom, I truly was forced to LISTEN: to my body, to the sounds of nature (birds, wind, and oh, the wind chimes), to my sighs, heartbeat, and breathing, to the messages of my dreams, and to my own wandering thoughts. Slowly I misplaced the all so important idea that my work is indispensable... and, when I found it again, I understood fully that 'yes, it's important, but so are my body and spirit'! 

The days of extra sleep and meditation cleared my mind of worry, pain, fear and stress, and worked absolute wonders for my creativity and perception. My sense of balance has also been restored, along with my awareness that self care is utterly vital.

Learning to pay attention to how your body feels can offer you rich guidance about your choices and direction in life. ― Lynn A. Robinson, Divine Intuition: Your Inner Guide to Purpose, Peace, and Prosperity

17 May 2014  Journal Entry:

Though I haven't really exercised, other than some very gentle stretches, during the last couple of weeks, I did spend time pampering and caring for my body in other ways which restored my vitality, radiance and health. I feel so blessed and happy. Sometimes, it feels like the LOVE I have for others is finally being showered upon me, as well. 

May we all find this place of bliss and dance with its peaceful flow! May we all begin a daily practice of self love and self care that truly reconnects us: mind, body and soul, and there after, ripples out to others.

“We will be in tune with our bodies only if we truly love and honor them. We can’t be in good communication with the enemy.” ~ Harriet Lerner, PhD

How to Love & Care For Your Body When It Hurts:

1. Listen. What is the message in the pain? Acknowledge its wisdom.

2. Sing or Speak Blessings Over It. {You instinctively know how to do this}

3. Give a Gentle Touch. Lovingly caress or massage or hug your body.

4. Run your Fingers through Your Hair or Press Your Scalp. (Use both hands!)

5. Soothe Your Eyes. Place the palms of your hands over your closed eyes.

6. Breathe. Softly, slowly, deeply inhale and exhale in a gentle rhythm.

7. Relax. Allow every muscle to release stress, tension; simply let go...

8. Trust. Know that your body is capable of healing itself. Welcome it to. 

9. Stretch. Give space for your body to reach beyond its limitations.

by Leesa Wilson

19 May 2014  Journal Entry:

I practiced yoga today, for the first time in weeks! It felt so good, but I was very careful to move in a slow and gentle way, so as not to aggravate or stress my lower back, again. I hope to be able to flow more during Wednesday's class.


Blissful timelessness.

I sat in meditation for 20 minutes shortly after returning home from yoga. The house was so quiet; it felt peaceful to sit in the sunlight and close my eyes to everything but my breath. I was humbly amazed to be able to hold space without thought for long, long moments. I wonder if this is my first experience of no thought? The sound of the wind chimes helped me to open my mind, and release the 'chatter'. A deep sense of serenity poured in where my thoughts had been. I experienced this as pure bliss! 

How lovely it would be to reside willfully in this space. I am inspired to continue the sacred practice of meditation, as a daily ritual. Maybe, someday, I will be able to remain in the place of soul breath for an hour or longer...

“This withdrawal from the day's turmoil into creative silence is not a luxury, a fad, or a futility. It is a necessity, because it tries to provide the conditions wherein we are able to yield ourselves to intuitive leadings, promptings, warnings, teachings, and counsels and also to the inspiring peace of the soul. It dissolves mental tensions and heals negative emotions.” ― Paul Brunton, The Notebooks of Paul Brunton

Listen to: The Soothing Sound of Wind Chimes 

”Health is the result of relinquishing all attempts to use the body lovelessly.” 

From A Course In Miracles, Foundation For Inner Peace

How beloved my body is becoming to me... How precious and beyond worthy of my love she is! As this journey unfolds, I wonder how I ever became so severed from her spirit, her voice, her needs and wisdom... Throughout my life, I now recall, she has been my dearest companion.

Goddess, please continue to enlighten me. You, divine source of spirit 
who has endeavored to heal, teach and speak the wisdom of my soul.
I praise you in gratitude and devotion ~


I Embody the Goddess!




photo credit:

Listening by mynameisharsha
Rest by Brigetta Margarrietta
Woman practicing yoga by iStock

CHANGE: The Life of a Butterfly Woman

Seeing myself as, and relating my life to a butterfly is something that I do from time to time; not with an intentional purpose to do so, but rather, the thought just flutters into my consciousness like a pale blue butterfly flitting effortlessly from flower to flower. 

And, yet there are times when I feel the opposite of a weightless, beautiful creature with wings! I feel heavy, ravenous, and shapeless. 

Have you ever felt so weary and heavy of spirit that you simply could not keep your eyes open for another moment? When even thinking a single thought is more than you can bear? Do you ever feel so broken or disenchanted that nothing seems as it was, just days ago? 

Or, have you ever found yourself in that place where you feel increasingly needy... insatiable even, and yet, where almost every thing has become so tedious, tiring, and overwhelmingly burdensome 
that even desired change is just too much? Perhaps unexpectedly, you have also noticed with a sudden and sad realization, that your life has become a blur of meaningless routine? If so, you're not alone. I have felt it, too! 

I think of this as the caterpillar stage.

I find myself in this stage, almost every time after a long season of mindlessly consuming everything around me without taking time to slow down, go within, enjoy or make sense of all that I have embraced or experienced. Sometimes, I come to this place due to an accident, an illness, or some other event or circumstance that catches me completely off guard.

Once we come to this awareness within our self, our body or our life, there is nothing that can be done, except surrender to the feelings, reflect upon them, rest and begin the process of digestion and 
assimilation... 

It's a strange place to be in, for certain. It can feel claustrophobic, and quite frightening. We may cry, rant or scream! But eventually, we become listless, lazy, languid... and maybe, even depressed. Yet, as unpleasant as it is, we instinctively know that we must wrap this place of deadening uncertainty about ourselves, if we wish for any hope of true release. Wisdom whispers that it is in this dark, unknown terrain that we will find solace and wings. 

Though I have experienced each stage and cycle of transformation, I keep finding myself back at the beginning, again and again. 


28 April 2014  Journal Entry:

Last Friday, my computer stopped working! It simply 
got stuck in a pattern, and could not, no matter what 
was done to help, get out of it. Perhaps, this is a 
small thing in the great scheme of things, but it was 
HUGE to me. I had seven years worth of my creative 
life stored on that hard drive (journals, workshops, 
ideas, teachings, detailed notes for the books I am 
writing, plans, as well as vast collections of wisdom, 
images and memories)! 

Though I tried with all my might to not act or feel 
upset, I was! But more than that, I was afraid.

For the last three days while it was being worked on, 
I did almost, absolutely nothing, except for the very basics: personal hygiene; preparing, dining and 
cleaning up after meals; sleeping. I entertained my 
mind with an endless procession of movies; one love 
story after another.... I prayed. I pouted. I froze.

Though I secretly fretted, I refused to allow myself 
to consider the dire possibilities of loss. In fact,
I barely spoke a word to anyone. I shoved everything
that came up, back down.

Late, last night, it was announced that my computer 
was 'fixed'. Not as it had been, mind you. Not 
anything like it was, but rather, only the bare bones 
minimum. That all my files were gone! (Thankfully, 
most of them were copied and saved on backup hard 
drive a month before, but they will not be easy to access).

This morning, I woke up to the repaired version ~ it 
is  naked, and ever so much slower.. I am on the edge 
of tears. The prospect of starting over is daunting. 
The fact that I also woke up with a slight ache in 
my lower back, is not only troubling, but very telling,
as problems with the lower back, metaphysically 
speaking, generally refer to a lack of trust in the 
Universe to protect and support us. 

I know this truth, yet, I've already entered the 
chrysalis, and my thinking has turned to mush, Some
where in the back of my mind I think: Perhaps, yoga 
will help. So, I shower, dress, fill up my water 
bottle and head out the door....





02 May 2014  Journal Entry:

I seriously hurt my back last Monday. When I first 
arrived at my yoga class, A voice spoke: 'Just get 
up and quietly slip out the door.' To which I smiled,
but remained where I sat. Fifteen minutes into class,
I heard the voice again: 'This is too much, just 
leave now, no one will notice.' I almost laughed, but 
only silently replied: "It's okay, I can do this."
I felt like I was flowing through each pose. I wasn't
hurting badly, just a slight tweak in my lower back.
During the last fifteen minutes while sitting in the
seated spinal twist pose, ironically called the Sage
Pose, I heard the voice again: 'Seriously, just get
up and quietly leave the room. No one will mind if 
you leave a little early.' Again, I argued: "I'm 
almost done, only a few more minutes. It's silly to
leave when class is almost over."

By the time I got home, I hurt so badly, I could
hardly walk. It hurt to stand; it hurt to sit! As 
the hours went by, the pain became so intense! 

Why didn't I listen to my body?!

I am still in excruciating pain! I have been to my
Spinal Network Analysis healer for back treatments 
several times this week, but nothing seems to help,
except laying down and epsom salt baths. 

At first I fought the idea, but acute pain forced 
me to remain in bed all week long, it was my only
relief. But even laying down had its hazards, as I
discovered with every attempt to turn on my side, 
or readjust my pillow. 

Yet, being alone in my bedroom all day long has
triggered a comforting memory of timelessness only
known in childhood. I have taken long, luxurious 
naps while the sun softly poured in and lay across 
the bed with me. I have finished reading the first 
book of The Game of Thrones. I have daydreamed, 
journaled,and stared out the window allowing my 
mind to drift among the mountains and lake for 
uncounted hours.

I have been unable to adhere to my assigned calorie
count, due to the fact that my man cannot cook, so
we've been eating delivery and take-out. Yet, I am
seriously cutting my portions back, as I still wish
to comply fully with my promises. Though I am not
eating as many fresh and healthy meals as I would 
prepare for us, I feel that I am nourishing my soul,
and that is vital for healing!

I am witness to my inner self: My attitude is 
positive, my goals attainable, and my passion to 
reach it is on fire! I see my dream wings!

On the day that you feel that first twinge of back pain, an entire personal history has already unfolded. ~ Deepak Chopra

9 May 2014  Journal Entry:

After another week of treatments with Dr. Rick,
I am finally feeling better! 

Earlier this week, he told me that nothing was
wrong with my back, but that he suspected I had 
an energy blockage; anger. Anger?! I'm not an
angry woman. I'm gentle, patient and soft spoken. 

Yet, that voice again whispered: 'This is true.' 
It touched me deeply; I began to cry! After 
I released through tears, the energy begin to 
move. Though I can still feel the pain, I can 
b r e a t h e through it. And, gratefully, I 
can sit and stand without debilitating pain.

I spent time this week listening to my body,
listening to the pain and following where it
led. So much repressed anger came to the
surface for me to see:

A childhood of being told to stop crying (as if that would make the lies, hurt and sadness go away), of being undervalued, mistrusted, and mocked. Of being shamed, misunderstood, teased and wrongly blamed by those in authority or by those who claimed to love me.

A lifetime of 'playing nice', of keeping the peace, of bearing betrayal, mistreatment and lies without a sound. A lifetime pretending Iwas never angry, that I never raged inside!

And far too many years of hiding my fear and anger beneath layers of my own precious flesh, in order to disguise my true feelings. Of hiding my beauty, silencing my voice, denying my truth all so that I would be loved by those who only wanted a surface version of me, who feared to delve into my murky depths. Including myself!

Throughout this week, I have also been gifted 
so many wise insights, intuitive revelations,
and kind gifts from others.

A kindred spirit spoke words of blessing and 
healing over me. During a guided meditation,
she saw me and when these blockages began: at 
age 3 (Which, of course, I know they did!). 
She reminded me that in order to be the truth 
of my authentic self, I must trust, With TRUST 
I will powerfully walk my talk. 

A soul sistar of mine did an emotional clearing
for me, which proved far more accurate and
healing than I could have imagined! After which 
I was able to release layers of repressed and
blocked emotions dealing with feelings and core 
level beliefs that I must work hard to be loved, 
valued and appreciated. For too long I have felt
held back by a thick goo; it is liberating to 
finally move the energy surrounding:

self worth
worthiness
abandonment
resentment
sadness/sorrow
pride and anger
anxiety/worry due to trauma
self criticism
limited thought patterns
old belief systems
self consciousness

At last, I am feeling more at peace within my body!
And, since beginning this vow to Embody the Goddess
I have lost 13 pounds and lots of inches! 

It is my prayer that these realizations will aid
me on my journey toward loving my body, losing 
weight and empowering myself on every level.

A message from the Butterfly Queen!

Required Lessons and Realizations for the Attainment of Butterfly Wings:

• Listen to your body! Don't wait until it hurts to seek healing, comfort, compassion and help. Your mission: Care for your body.
• Practice self-love and self-care daily, moment to moment. Allow yourself the time and resources needed. Truth: Your body is worthy.
• Honor your emotions. Feel them. Hear them. Acknowledge them. Find creative and healthy ways to express them so that the energy can flow. Breathe, release and move. Sacred and Constant Gift: Change.
• Trust. Trust that you are utterly adored. You are! Go with the flow. Dance with the energies of life.  Remember: You are already whole.
• When the time comes, emerge renewed and unfold your wings. Be yourself. Be free. FLY. Goal: Kiss as many fragrant blossoms possible.

“We are all butterflies. Earth is our chrysalis.”   

― LeeAnn Taylor

I Embody the Goddess!





art credit:
{butterfly woman at mirror} by James Jean
credit for the other images shared: unknown