Re-Exploring: What it Means to Embody the Goddess

She is a breath of power, a pure vision of glory,

a reflection of eternal light, a spotless mirror of goodness.

She is one, but she can do all things.

She remains herself, but renews all things.

Each generation she creates prophets and holy ones,

for she is more beautiful than the sun or the stars,

mightier than the earth itself, and she orders all things well.

Wisdom 7 : 25 - 8 : 1

In the time span since I last shared my journal entries here, my life has changed dramatically, and consequently, my focus was redirected. This unexpected, yet welcome (even prayed for) change allowed me to renew my energies, realign with my true center, and to reevaluate what is valuable and needful for my daily existence. Miraculously, I chose to flow (and flower) with those changes and to even embrace the sudden chaos that encircled me. Surprisingly, it was not as painful, frightening, or difficult as I once imagined it would be.

During my absence and year long transition period, I have embodied the goddess emotionally, mentally and spiritually... but I question whether I did so on a corporeal level. Meaning, that though I felt Her guidance and presence in my heart, mind, and soul (which gratefully and gracefully kept my thoughts and emotions flowing smoothly through each emotion, thought and experience, and with very few tears, despite the violent ending to my marriage), my body was too busy to feel much of anything except utter weariness... heaviness.

Thankfully, I was not pulled into the undertow, but rather, I was gifted with a higher perspective and a refreshingly, peaceful acceptance of it all - on every level, except physically. It seems my body was not invited to be party to the higher realms of awareness... and sadly, it suffered and it hungered.

It is quite ironic that at this stage in my life, I actually accept and love my body more (even in its most worn and neglected states) than I ever have before. When it was younger, more agile, supple and stronger, I judged it so harshly... and held such deep self-loathing toward it.

So why have I been ignoring its most basic needs? Why do I not hear its soft, quiet murmurs? Why do I not fully embody the Goddess in my flesh and bones and breath? Oh, I bathe, feed, dress and adorn her, but seldom do I just sit with her and listen... Seldom do I take her for long walks in nature... Even more seldom do I engage in sensual pampering and healing rituals. Though remarkably healthy, during this last year or so, I felt a secret vulnerability in my body which caused me to revisit some old patterns of self-comfort (in regards to diet and sleeping patterns), self-denial and neglect (in regards to healthy habits), and busy-ness (in regards to time management - or lack thereof, which gave unwanted excuses and permission to avoid body work and exercise, altogether).

As the snow melts and signs of spring returns to the high mountains where I live, I begin anew, intent on re-exploring what it means to embody the goddess in my physical, day to day life. I pray that I will be able to reawaken the strength and courage required to truly love my body as I love the Goddess.

3 May 2016  Journal entry:

I can hardly believe it has been almost a year ago since I packed everything I owned and moved back to these mountains. Nestled in the shade of Mother Earths comforting bosom, I find myself succumbing to old, ill-fitting childhood patterns, the sort that keep me from moving forward... These patterns re-immerse me in acts of seemingly helpless laziness, procrastination and self-indulgences which are not healthy, nor helpful. What has become of my orderly life?

Though I have always considered myself a 'Domestic Goddess', this year, due to a new living situation which I never before considered or contemplated as a life style choice, I have had to let go of my 'Mistress of Her Domain' power. For the first time in my adult life, I do not feel like the Queen of my castle. Instead, I feel like a visitor in my own home. There is no room for all my belongings. My word and ways are not honored. My need for order and cleanliness are ignored.

Though I utterly adore sharing my life and home with my soul sister, it has been chaotic at times. Two women sharing one tiny kitchen is impossible at best! I have learned so much about myself, and about my ability to express the Goddess in ways that bring harmony, peace and joy. Yet, I have also struggled. The required need to support myself physically (financially), and to take full responsibility for every area of my life and well-being has been so daunting.

Honestly, I have done remarkably well, except in a few unseen areas. When I moved in, I stored countless boxes of possessions that I had not the space to house, nor the time to unpack and organize, in a spare bedroom, and conveniently forgot about them.

In truth, the room where these boxes have been hidden, was suppose to eventually become the 'womb' space where I meditate, make art, and rest. I envisioned a holy place where I could give myself over to the care of the Goddess without fear... where I could lie down naked on her healing altar, and sacrifice myself to the purifying flames of the divine feminine essence and be transformed.

Yet, that has yet to happen. Though I have unpacked eight boxes of books, the remainder of the boxes remain... albeit moved about and resituated several times.

With the arrival of spring peeking through the dead leaves, warming the earth, greening and flowering in unexpected places... I feel an intense need and desire to organize, and make sacred space for my body and my mind and spirit.

I need this to happen. I need the clarity of mind that organizing and simplifying my life will provide. I must find the strength and courage to follow through.

With the help of the Goddess, so I shall.

The following words, which Patricia Monaghan writes in The Goddess Companion: Daily Meditations on the Feminine Spirit, intrigue and inspire me! They open me up to new ways of understanding how I can and may physically embody the goddess:

In many religious traditions, it is the goddess who establishes order of fertile chaos. She builds the framework for the universe. She marks out time, dividing it into days and weeks and months and years. She guides the rivers into their beds, thus dividing the land and its water sources. She establishes the tides and the rhythms of a woman's body.

We enact the part of the cosmic goddess when we, too, make order from the complexity of our lives. Like her, we can find the patterns within our activities that reveal our inner purpose. Then we can refine our day so that our purpose is made clear. In making such changes, we are embodying the cosmic feminine.  

Isn't this so inspiring? As the daughter of the Goddess, I am more than capable of creating order in my own life... especially in my own home. I simply must begin. A little every day... The way spring continues to unfold into summer,

May She be gracious and continue guiding me as I walk my path of beauty (even when it appears to be utter chaos).

I Embody the Goddess!



art credit (in order):
Emma Florence Harrison
Erica Chappuis

Gaining So Much More Than What I Lost!

“To lose confidence in one’s body is to lose confidence in oneself.” ― Simone de Beauvoir

.... It is truly amazing! Since I made the conscious decision to fully embody the Goddess on a physical level, I have been re-gaining all that I once lost: my self-esteem, my confidence, true love for my body, and most important, the simple pleasure in being ME. Plus, I have lost 17 pounds since the end of March! Almost effortlessly, I might add. Just one unexpected shift in my thinking has changed
E V E R Y T H I N G! 

Some of changes I have noticed in recent weeks:

1. My Balance Has Improved: Now 'tree' pose is easy. I can even raise my hands in a graceful overhead prayer and sway them slowly to and fro!
2. I Am More Conscious: I no longer eat mindlessly, nor too much! That habit just fell away ~ no struggle whatsoever... 
3. I Hear My Body: Listening to my body feels effortless, now. It is a pleasure to treat her with respect and consideration and kindness. 
4. Healthy is Satisfying: I no longer crave carbs or sugary sweets. I am not even tempted ~ Now, my body craves fresh fruit: especially juicy peaches, cherries, apples, grapes, plums, strawberries and blueberries.
5. I Am Moving More Gracefully: I can feel myself flowing, gliding, and gently navigating though my day like I use to. I have regained my sense of self. I now feel at ease and comfortable claiming space. At long last, it is a joy to be in harmony with my body and my surroundings.
6. My Hair Is Growing Super Long: I have always had long hair, but now it is growing faster than I ever remember. It is healthy and shiny and bouncy again. Plus, I am not losing as much when I brush or wash it!
7. I Am Feeling Sexy: This is huge! It has been a long time since I felt passions flame, this sense of sassiness, and my inner harlot. I like it! Though I have not changed that much without, major renovations are happening within! I am a wild woman!
8. My Skin Is Healthier: No more dry, wrinkly skin! No more itchy scalp! 
9. I Have More Energy: Seriously! There is a bounce in my step. I am accomplishing more and feel the divine moving through my essence.
10. I Am Happy: Really, truly. I am enjoying so many sensual pleasures. I    am feeling excited! Excited to be alive, living my truth, expressing my radiance, making space for abundance and opening up to the unlimited possibilities! Life is truly beautiful!!!

. . . Meditation is a tool to shake yourself awake. A way to discover what you love. A practice to return yourself to your body when the mind medleys threaten to usurp your sanity.” ― Geneen Roth

19 June 2014  Journal Entry:

I am truly caring for myself. I am being nourished and sustained in ways I did not expect to be. How glorious that a few simple changes can shift everything for the better. The little moment to moment choices that I make concerning my diet, the way I spend my time, what I think, and how I move my body have made a radical difference in my quality of life!

~~~~

Eating more yogurt - not the sugar filled kind, but Fage Greek yogurt, every day, makes me feel so good on the inside. My body is devouring the nutrients in all the fresh, organic vegetables and fruits I have added to my daily menu. Drinking more water than I ever have is cleansing and restoring my body; I can feel it coming alive! I am on the edge of thriving!

Meditating... This simple 20 minute practice clears away more than I ever realized it could. I come away from the experience feeling lighter, more free. Sometimes, without effort I enter into a place of stillness, emptiness, quiet. Which is the most extraordinary thing for a woman like me, whose thoughts are a constant waterfall or at least, a babbling brook.  
Yoga. I love yoga! When I first started I felt so fat, cumbersome, clumsy, stiff, and old. Now, slowly ~ I am becoming more agile, more flexible, more elastic, more capable of moving with ease. My body is remembering the way it moved when I was a girl. Though I am far from that place of being, I can imagine myself being there once more. For now, this is enough.

Breathing... How can breathing be such a struggle when it is an involuntary act? I do not know. But if I think about my breath, I immediately hold it, fight against it, or try to control it. I am learning to let it go; to relax with my sacred breath; to take in a full breath, just as full as the amount I willingly exhale. 

This week, while listening to a radio program, I heard something that halted my thoughts while at the same time caused them to forge new pathways in my brain: 

The woman speaking commented in such a way as to express that we as women, breathe shallowly, because we are not allowing ourselves to receive as deeply as we give away. WOW! This rang so true for me. As if the very act, our natural right to breathe in air, might infringe upon someone else! I spent a lot of time thinking on this... and now, I choose to allow myself to breathe in as deeply as I possibly can. It still does not come naturally, but it feels so good! I must practice so it becomes a habit.

These four simple necessities - breathing, eating, moving and resting. Each a sacred act. Yet, on some unspoken, unconscious level, I just now realize that I must have been made to feel (at some time in my life) guilty and unworthy to even be alive. Thus explains the silent war I have waged within myself about my value and my right to receive the essential nourishment that I require. No wonder my body held on to all that it could get. In its wisdom, it knew that it deserved to live, to take up space, to hold energy. 



My Sacred Vow:

In this moment, NOW, I grant my self permission to breathe, to eat, to rest and to move freely, wildly, joyfully, ecstatically! Never again will I be made to feel that I am unworthy to be alive on this planet, to be part of the body of my Mother Earth. Never again will I allow myself to mistreat nor deny my beautiful body these basic rights to life. Instead, I will consciously and purposefully set aside scheduled time to embrace and be nourished by each. And so it is.



AFFIRMATIONS:

I LOVE myself enough to make wise and healthy choices.

I LOVE my body so much that I will be a good mother caring for it. I will be a good lover providing for its pleasure, its safety, comfort, health and freedom to express its true essence.

I forgive all wrong doings, harm, neglect and betrayal done against my body, mind and spirit.

I accept what is rightfully mine with joy and peace of mind. I will open to receive graciously.

I am free to breathe, to nourish myself, to rest when I need to, to take up space and move as I desire.  

I release all fears that have held me prisoner, waged war against my body and emotions, and have lied to me.

I LOVE my body. I LOVE my mind. I LOVE my spirit. I LOVE my emotions. I LOVE me! 

“Do something every day that is loving toward your body and gives you the opportunity to enjoy the sensations of your body.” ― Golda Poretsky

I Embody the Goddess!


photo credit:

Alto/Antoine Arraou via Getty Images
Pearl Mala by CatandtheBird on Etsy.com
One With Nature  by Wind Stock Photo

My Inner Goddess is a Healer, Teacher and Wise Woman Speaking the Language of Soul!

 

 “Intuition is seeing with the soul.” ― Dean Koontz 

How often do we truly listen to our intuition and follow her wise advice? I think that I do, but after something traumatic happens, I regretfully realize, I ignored her. But why ? Is it a trust issue? Or, just a lack of properly paying attention? Perhaps. But I think for me, it's more an attitude of "I'll do it my way, thank you!" How foolish and childish this is. Especially since I know that my intuition is the divine essence of my soul trying to communicate with me!

My inner voice of wisdom was speaking loud, and clearly the day I 'hurt' my back. Had I listened to my knowing, instead of my ego/mind, I would have graciously left my yoga class and came home to care for myself. Hindsight is always bright with clarity; is it not? Thankfully, I eventually discover the gift in every situation, even when I won't accept it at the time it is given. 

Now, I see this experience as the voice of the Goddess. She was saying: "Darling, since you haven't heeded my suggestions to stop and truly listen to me and to your own precious body, and, since you also have long refused my invitations to allow yourself a vacation, I'm confining you to a week of bed rest... And, I will not hear another word about it!"

After a week spent quietly in bed, I felt so much better; calmer, more peaceful. I felt restored on levels that I have long neglected. Since, I don't have electronics in my bedroom, I truly was forced to LISTEN: to my body, to the sounds of nature (birds, wind, and oh, the wind chimes), to my sighs, heartbeat, and breathing, to the messages of my dreams, and to my own wandering thoughts. Slowly I misplaced the all so important idea that my work is indispensable... and, when I found it again, I understood fully that 'yes, it's important, but so are my body and spirit'! 

The days of extra sleep and meditation cleared my mind of worry, pain, fear and stress, and worked absolute wonders for my creativity and perception. My sense of balance has also been restored, along with my awareness that self care is utterly vital.

Learning to pay attention to how your body feels can offer you rich guidance about your choices and direction in life. ― Lynn A. Robinson, Divine Intuition: Your Inner Guide to Purpose, Peace, and Prosperity

17 May 2014  Journal Entry:

Though I haven't really exercised, other than some very gentle stretches, during the last couple of weeks, I did spend time pampering and caring for my body in other ways which restored my vitality, radiance and health. I feel so blessed and happy. Sometimes, it feels like the LOVE I have for others is finally being showered upon me, as well. 

May we all find this place of bliss and dance with its peaceful flow! May we all begin a daily practice of self love and self care that truly reconnects us: mind, body and soul, and there after, ripples out to others.

“We will be in tune with our bodies only if we truly love and honor them. We can’t be in good communication with the enemy.” ~ Harriet Lerner, PhD

How to Love & Care For Your Body When It Hurts:

1. Listen. What is the message in the pain? Acknowledge its wisdom.

2. Sing or Speak Blessings Over It. {You instinctively know how to do this}

3. Give a Gentle Touch. Lovingly caress or massage or hug your body.

4. Run your Fingers through Your Hair or Press Your Scalp. (Use both hands!)

5. Soothe Your Eyes. Place the palms of your hands over your closed eyes.

6. Breathe. Softly, slowly, deeply inhale and exhale in a gentle rhythm.

7. Relax. Allow every muscle to release stress, tension; simply let go...

8. Trust. Know that your body is capable of healing itself. Welcome it to. 

9. Stretch. Give space for your body to reach beyond its limitations.

by Leesa Wilson

19 May 2014  Journal Entry:

I practiced yoga today, for the first time in weeks! It felt so good, but I was very careful to move in a slow and gentle way, so as not to aggravate or stress my lower back, again. I hope to be able to flow more during Wednesday's class.


Blissful timelessness.

I sat in meditation for 20 minutes shortly after returning home from yoga. The house was so quiet; it felt peaceful to sit in the sunlight and close my eyes to everything but my breath. I was humbly amazed to be able to hold space without thought for long, long moments. I wonder if this is my first experience of no thought? The sound of the wind chimes helped me to open my mind, and release the 'chatter'. A deep sense of serenity poured in where my thoughts had been. I experienced this as pure bliss! 

How lovely it would be to reside willfully in this space. I am inspired to continue the sacred practice of meditation, as a daily ritual. Maybe, someday, I will be able to remain in the place of soul breath for an hour or longer...

“This withdrawal from the day's turmoil into creative silence is not a luxury, a fad, or a futility. It is a necessity, because it tries to provide the conditions wherein we are able to yield ourselves to intuitive leadings, promptings, warnings, teachings, and counsels and also to the inspiring peace of the soul. It dissolves mental tensions and heals negative emotions.” ― Paul Brunton, The Notebooks of Paul Brunton

Listen to: The Soothing Sound of Wind Chimes 

”Health is the result of relinquishing all attempts to use the body lovelessly.” 

From A Course In Miracles, Foundation For Inner Peace

How beloved my body is becoming to me... How precious and beyond worthy of my love she is! As this journey unfolds, I wonder how I ever became so severed from her spirit, her voice, her needs and wisdom... Throughout my life, I now recall, she has been my dearest companion.

Goddess, please continue to enlighten me. You, divine source of spirit 
who has endeavored to heal, teach and speak the wisdom of my soul.
I praise you in gratitude and devotion ~


I Embody the Goddess!




photo credit:

Listening by mynameisharsha
Rest by Brigetta Margarrietta
Woman practicing yoga by iStock