Re-Exploring: What it Means to Embody the Goddess

She is a breath of power, a pure vision of glory,

a reflection of eternal light, a spotless mirror of goodness.

She is one, but she can do all things.

She remains herself, but renews all things.

Each generation she creates prophets and holy ones,

for she is more beautiful than the sun or the stars,

mightier than the earth itself, and she orders all things well.

Wisdom 7 : 25 - 8 : 1

In the time span since I last shared my journal entries here, my life has changed dramatically, and consequently, my focus was redirected. This unexpected, yet welcome (even prayed for) change allowed me to renew my energies, realign with my true center, and to reevaluate what is valuable and needful for my daily existence. Miraculously, I chose to flow (and flower) with those changes and to even embrace the sudden chaos that encircled me. Surprisingly, it was not as painful, frightening, or difficult as I once imagined it would be.

During my absence and year long transition period, I have embodied the goddess emotionally, mentally and spiritually... but I question whether I did so on a corporeal level. Meaning, that though I felt Her guidance and presence in my heart, mind, and soul (which gratefully and gracefully kept my thoughts and emotions flowing smoothly through each emotion, thought and experience, and with very few tears, despite the violent ending to my marriage), my body was too busy to feel much of anything except utter weariness... heaviness.

Thankfully, I was not pulled into the undertow, but rather, I was gifted with a higher perspective and a refreshingly, peaceful acceptance of it all - on every level, except physically. It seems my body was not invited to be party to the higher realms of awareness... and sadly, it suffered and it hungered.

It is quite ironic that at this stage in my life, I actually accept and love my body more (even in its most worn and neglected states) than I ever have before. When it was younger, more agile, supple and stronger, I judged it so harshly... and held such deep self-loathing toward it.

So why have I been ignoring its most basic needs? Why do I not hear its soft, quiet murmurs? Why do I not fully embody the Goddess in my flesh and bones and breath? Oh, I bathe, feed, dress and adorn her, but seldom do I just sit with her and listen... Seldom do I take her for long walks in nature... Even more seldom do I engage in sensual pampering and healing rituals. Though remarkably healthy, during this last year or so, I felt a secret vulnerability in my body which caused me to revisit some old patterns of self-comfort (in regards to diet and sleeping patterns), self-denial and neglect (in regards to healthy habits), and busy-ness (in regards to time management - or lack thereof, which gave unwanted excuses and permission to avoid body work and exercise, altogether).

As the snow melts and signs of spring returns to the high mountains where I live, I begin anew, intent on re-exploring what it means to embody the goddess in my physical, day to day life. I pray that I will be able to reawaken the strength and courage required to truly love my body as I love the Goddess.

3 May 2016  Journal entry:

I can hardly believe it has been almost a year ago since I packed everything I owned and moved back to these mountains. Nestled in the shade of Mother Earths comforting bosom, I find myself succumbing to old, ill-fitting childhood patterns, the sort that keep me from moving forward... These patterns re-immerse me in acts of seemingly helpless laziness, procrastination and self-indulgences which are not healthy, nor helpful. What has become of my orderly life?

Though I have always considered myself a 'Domestic Goddess', this year, due to a new living situation which I never before considered or contemplated as a life style choice, I have had to let go of my 'Mistress of Her Domain' power. For the first time in my adult life, I do not feel like the Queen of my castle. Instead, I feel like a visitor in my own home. There is no room for all my belongings. My word and ways are not honored. My need for order and cleanliness are ignored.

Though I utterly adore sharing my life and home with my soul sister, it has been chaotic at times. Two women sharing one tiny kitchen is impossible at best! I have learned so much about myself, and about my ability to express the Goddess in ways that bring harmony, peace and joy. Yet, I have also struggled. The required need to support myself physically (financially), and to take full responsibility for every area of my life and well-being has been so daunting.

Honestly, I have done remarkably well, except in a few unseen areas. When I moved in, I stored countless boxes of possessions that I had not the space to house, nor the time to unpack and organize, in a spare bedroom, and conveniently forgot about them.

In truth, the room where these boxes have been hidden, was suppose to eventually become the 'womb' space where I meditate, make art, and rest. I envisioned a holy place where I could give myself over to the care of the Goddess without fear... where I could lie down naked on her healing altar, and sacrifice myself to the purifying flames of the divine feminine essence and be transformed.

Yet, that has yet to happen. Though I have unpacked eight boxes of books, the remainder of the boxes remain... albeit moved about and resituated several times.

With the arrival of spring peeking through the dead leaves, warming the earth, greening and flowering in unexpected places... I feel an intense need and desire to organize, and make sacred space for my body and my mind and spirit.

I need this to happen. I need the clarity of mind that organizing and simplifying my life will provide. I must find the strength and courage to follow through.

With the help of the Goddess, so I shall.

The following words, which Patricia Monaghan writes in The Goddess Companion: Daily Meditations on the Feminine Spirit, intrigue and inspire me! They open me up to new ways of understanding how I can and may physically embody the goddess:

In many religious traditions, it is the goddess who establishes order of fertile chaos. She builds the framework for the universe. She marks out time, dividing it into days and weeks and months and years. She guides the rivers into their beds, thus dividing the land and its water sources. She establishes the tides and the rhythms of a woman's body.

We enact the part of the cosmic goddess when we, too, make order from the complexity of our lives. Like her, we can find the patterns within our activities that reveal our inner purpose. Then we can refine our day so that our purpose is made clear. In making such changes, we are embodying the cosmic feminine.  

Isn't this so inspiring? As the daughter of the Goddess, I am more than capable of creating order in my own life... especially in my own home. I simply must begin. A little every day... The way spring continues to unfold into summer,

May She be gracious and continue guiding me as I walk my path of beauty (even when it appears to be utter chaos).

I Embody the Goddess!



art credit (in order):
Emma Florence Harrison
Erica Chappuis