Sleeping Beauty Slumbers No More

I have always believed in fairy tales. Though, in my haste for ever after happiness, I gave away my power. With each lover, and with every new relationship, I gave more and more of myself away in the hopes that the man I loved would make all my dreams come true! 

Buried beneath layer and layer of hurtful experience, dashed dreams, broken promises, stolen trust, denial, self-hate and secret expectations, my goddess body has slumbered... There she lay, so beautiful and youthful, silently reminding me that hope can never die, and with a kiss of true love, she will awaken. 

Only, I have discovered that my true love is not another, but is my self! It is the true love of my own inner, divine masculine who must kiss and awaken my inner goddess. For years, I thought it was 'me' who judged myself so harshly, who whispered criticism, who compared my body to that of others, and who sabotaged my efforts to attract the love I desired. But, I now know that it was my inner masculine energy reflecting the opinion and lies of the patriarchy which has ruled for ages and ages. This caused me to be divided within myself... I was completely out of balance.

Balance is found within the Sacred Marriage ~ between the divine feminine and divine masculine energies within my body. This union brings me into wholeness and allows me to act from a true place of love.

It is by my own gentle acts of self love that my inner goddess is revived. It is in the moment to moment crafting of self love and conscious choices that I am set free! It is my own true love: my thoughts and my actions which enhance my body image, delight my senses, empower my will and uplift my spirit. 

None other.

"Consider a girl who keeps slipping off, arms limp as old carrots, into the hypnotist's trance, into a spirit world speaking with gifts of tongues."
~ Anne Sexton, Transformations

31 March 2014  Journal Entry:


I have a renewed love for my body, which I feel as a sublime inner peace. The time spent honoring my body temple yesterday, was just what I needed. 

Making the choice move my body daily, is stirring some long slumbering essence within. I feel juicy!! Today, my yoga class was so intense, yet, I flowed through each pose with a sense of deep satisfaction and pleasure. Though I am still a little off balance*, which makes the tree pose a challenge.




          the tree pose


Later, I went for a 5 mile bike ride. It was a pleasant experience, far more relaxing and meditative than I thought it would be. This should strengthen my balance, I hope.


*
Balance Mantra

Har Har Waheguru

Har Har Waheguru is a vibrational sound which ushers in bliss while it creates balance between the physical and spiritual; restoring equilibrium. Repeating this mantra while in a meditative state activates the healing process; eliminates subconscious blocks from the past.

Wear Amber for Balance  

Amber - A fossilized tree resin - allows the body to heal itself by absorbing and transmuting negative energy into positive energy. It stimulates the intellect and opens the crown chakra. It also transmutes the energy of physical vitality toward the activation of unconditional love. It aligns the ethereal energies to the physical, mental, and emotional bodies, providing for an even flow of perfect order to the requirements of the Earth plane while balancing the electro-magnetics of the physical body.

Love is in the Earth: A Kaleidoscope of Crystals by Melody

Loss of Balance: 

  Cause -  Scattered thoughts. Not centered; grounded.
  Affirm - I center myself in safety and accept the perfection of my 
                life. All is well. 

You Can Heal Your Life, by Louise L. Hay

“Words invoke peace & awareness. Words create freedom and fairness. Words  plant sacred seeds. and sing us back into balance.” 

― Jay Woodman

 I Embody the Goddess!




art credit:
Sleeping Beauty by Henry Meynell Rheam, pencil and watercolour, 1899.

My Body is a Sacred Temple

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”

         ~ Lucille Ball

Six simple Self Love rituals:

1. Drink a glass of water when you wake up. Your body loses water while you sleep, so you're naturally dehydrated in the morning. A glass of water when you wake helps start your day fresh.

2. Define your top 3. Every morning ask yourself, “What are the top three most important tasks that I will complete today?” Prioritizes your day accordingly and don't sleep until the Top 3 are complete.

3. The 50/10 Rule. Solo-task and do more faster by working in 50/10 increments. Use a timer to work for 50 minutes on only one important task with 10 minute breaks in between. Spend your 10 minutes getting away from your desk, going outside, calling friends, meditating, or grabbing a glass of water.

4. Move and sweat daily. Regular movement keeps us healthy and alert. It boosts energy and mood, and relieves stress.

5. Express gratitude. Gratitude fosters happiness. Each evening, think of at least five things you're thankful for. In times of stress, pause and reflect on these things.

6. Reflect daily. Bring closure to your day through 10 minutes of reflection. Asks yourself, “What went well?” and “What needs improvement?”



30 March 2014  Journal Entry:

I have chosen to devote Sunday as the day I dedicate myself to Goddess worship. I will enter into her temple to pray, meditate, dream, rest, pamper and adorn myself. 

All week I spend time and energy caring for the needs of others. Today, I will focus on my body in ways that feel good, pleasing, comforting and sensual. I will attend to my own needs in ways that honor my inner goddess. During the rest of the week, I will live true and spend at least an hour caring for and attending to the upkeep of my body. 


My Altar:

In honor of my inner goddess, each week I vow to invest in my own self care. This week, I chose to get a manicure and pedicure. I purchased a bottle of Lavender water, a Calming Seaweed Bath (a Stress Relief Blend), a trio of natural soaps, a new sea sponge and a cotton loofa. Later, I will run a warm bath and gently soak my cares away.








Symbolic meaning of items on my altar:

•  goddess mirror - to see the goddess in my own reflection.
•  rose quartz heart - to remember that self love is healing.
•  handmade 'butterfly in hand' card - created for me from the  artist, my beloved sistar, Salyna Gracie with Soul Bird  Collage Art. It symbolizes transformation.
•  a spiral bound journal (The Awakening of the Trees, by Montserrat) -   a  Book of Self Love, where I pen insight, blessings, prayers,  and wisdom. My Body Temple Book of Shadows and  Light.  The blank pages are of art quality, offering space to creatively  draw, paint and doodle.
•  a shimmering diamond and aquamarine (my birthstone)  necklace - given to me on my birthday by my sister, Laura. It  is  a reminder that I am worth love!

***********************************************************************
My Prayer:


Goddess ~
Divine She who dwells within my being...
I honor and adore you!
Thank you 
For everything 
You allow me to see, hear, breathe in, touch, taste, feel, do and be.
Show me how to care for this sacred temple
I have been given and reside within.
Show me how to truly nourish myself.
Show me how to respect and cherish the precious gift of life.
May I walk in beauty.
May I speak truth in kindness.
May I act from a place of authenticity.
Amen

I Embody the Goddess!





photo credit:
My Body Temple Altar by Leesa Wilson, Colorado 2014

Dreams of Being a Butterfly

Spring is truly here. Just a little over a week since my 53rd birthday and I feel a profound sense of excitement, renewal, delight. This is my favorite season. Everything seems fairly bursting with promise and possibility, including me!

During the night my dreams were sensual, seductive, and vividly colourful. I felt so happy... I remember wanting to embrace them a little longer when I became softly aware of the sun pouring in upon me, but something akin to childhood glee encouraged me to wake up and joyfully jump out of bed. So, I did...

29 March 2014  Journal Entry:

I awoke with a renewed sense of purpose, beauty and gratitude this morning. It feels wonderful to have chosen to love myself in this new way. I feel excited, passionate and somehow lighter, already. Perhaps, my excess weight has more to do with emotional and mental 'heaviness' than it does with my body. It's as if my body simply became a mirror showing me all that I've held on to for far too long. Now, I feel FREE.

*********************************************

I dreamed of being the butterfly. 

She begins as an egg (innocent). Content to simply be. Content only to dream....

Suddenly, life happens, and she feels the instinctive need to grow (develop and learn). Unaware, she becomes a slave to hunger. With an insatiable desire to constantly consume (ideas, information, lovers, obligations / responsibilities), she finds herself so plump, so far beyond the image she once held of herself. She knows that she is destined to be something lighter and more beautiful, yet, for the life of her she does not know how to change. Within, there is an innate whisper, a deep longing, an aching for something more ~ something colourful, fragrant and sensual. But still, she goes on as she always has, unconsciously consuming the endless monotony of her current reality. 

Until one day, she declares to herself ENOUGH. She is too big and too weary to take in or on another thing! She simply stops and cocoons herself away from all that she knows. She releases the daily habits; the relentless schedule she once thought vital. She closes her eyes, willing to just let go, to become nothing ~ and in this place she literally turns to goo! Perhaps, there are tears: a dissolving away of old fears, old limitations, old ideals, old ways... She simply surrenders and waits. For what she does not know. Time becomes immeasurable. She is unaware of anything beyond her present need to go inward.

THEN, in a single moment of awakening, she 'sees the light'. She KNOWS that everything has changed. Not in the world, but within herself! Something is different. She feels different. Aware that she is on edge of complete transformation from the life she has always known. she senses that she has wings. They are fragile, yet strong. Though she knows, that she cannot be rushed to unfold before she is ready. Even when she desperately desire help, she knows she must do this alone. She must gather her courage and patiently wait for her own inner juices to flow. She trusts that her wings will strengthen. She can hardly wait to spread wide and open herself to the world. Quietly, she prepares herself for the unknown adventures that await... by making choices that are in true alignment, and are in harmony with her authentic truth of being! 

She anticipates the day she will FLY. 

FLY is an acronym for: Fully Love Yourself.

She becomes the butterfly that she has always known herself to be. She dreamed of this moment, this glorious day when she could be her most beautiful self ~ Now, she is free to discover nectar and nourishment in every flower blossom (opportunity) that opens to her!

To me the energy of the embodied Sacred Feminine feels like tingles and aliveness and pleasure in my whole body. It feels like my heart is just blossoming open with every breath; it feels like ripples and waves of pleasurable joy, and it was so foreign to me, especially when I was new to these practices. I was in such a shielded and guarded and armored body.” 

— Renee Jeffus

I Embody the Goddess!





art credit:
The Night Sky Butterfly by Sid Reger, Goddess Mandalas

Goddess Awaken

Once I made the conscious decision to physically embody the goddess, making choices that reflect this decision suddenly seems effortless. Now, I feel a renewed and profound LOVE for my body!

The realization that awakened me ~ My 'aha' moment:

I knew that I was neglecting my body, but I didn't realize at what cost... I have gained so much weight in recent years: my skin feels so dry, my hair seems thinner, my nails are brittle and I feel tired. Also, I notice the onset of little aches, pains and stiffness that were not there before. A decrease of flexibility, balance, agility and strength make me feel old when I want to feel vibrant, radiant, capable and comfortable in my body...

Yet, it wasn't until I saw a photograph taken (two weeks ago) of myself unaware at a party that I really saw how much I have changed! The image did not match my inner vision of myself, at all... I was shocked! It use to be that I didn't feel as confident or lovely as I appeared to others, even though I knew I was attractive. Now, after all these years of conscious practice and diligent focus to truly LOVE my authentic self: flaws, as well as beauty, I find that my physical appearance no longer reflects the way I see myself. (Isn't it ironic that when I was young and beautiful, I did not fully appreciate or even truly acknowledge myself as such, and yet, now that I am 53, I do, but my acknowledgement and humble appreciation have absolutely nothing to do with who I see when I look in the mirror?!) 

Today, I awoke with a renewed sense of purpose and sacred intent. I am going to love my body by making choices that truly honor my inner goddess. I am going to lose all this extra weight that I've been gathering and carrying around for far too long. Whether I have padded myself as an unconscious form of self protection, or a belief that I'm not 'good enough' because I do not have the body, shape and size I desire, or due to midlife changes brought on by perimenopause, or from excessive self criticism, shyness and past trauma, I don't know... but suddenly it no longer matters. I'm ready to let it go! 

Embrace what truly brings pleasure, beauty, purpose, meaning and blessings, and with a breath of kindness, release everything else. 

This has been my motto for years. I have let go of so much on other levels, yet physically, I keep holding on. Holding on to clothes that do not fit or flatter; holding on to boxes of possessions that I never use; holding on to a relationship that does not allow the free flow of my passion, playfulness and spontaneity; holding on to old habits and routines that no longer serve me and my inner goddess. Why do I do this? What am I afraid will happen if I let it go? Today, I let go of this unknown fear....


Affirmation:
It is safe for me to let go. I effortlessly release burdens, fear, doubt, self-consciousness, judgement, weight and heaviness. I deserve to love myself in ways that feel good. I am free.

28 March 2014 Journal Entry:

Today, I have decided to focus on embodying the Goddess on a physical level by loving my body enough to lose the excess weight I have been holding on to due to stress, fear and lack of proper self care. 

* I took a nude photo of myself, as well as my current weight and measurements in order to chart my progress and transformation.

AWAKENING: 
Embodying the Goddess on a physical level requires a daily practice of self love, conscious choices, natural healing and moving my body in ways that feel good. 

PROMISE:
I will honor my divine feminine essence inside and out. 

TRUTH:
I love to prepare and eat fresh, organic, healthy food! I avoid processed foods, and fast food entirely. Yet, in the last five years I have been steadily gaining weight; most likely due to a combination of a lower level of exercise and the onset of perimenopause. 

At the first of the year I began yoga and practice twice a week for 45 minutes. I love how it has gently awakened my body awareness, while seriously moving me past my limitations. 

In addition to yoga, I now intend to walk (or move) 5-6 days a week, for at least an hour. I wish to ground into my body as a way to honor Mother Earth and to enjoy my sublime body more, through dance and other sensual, pleasurable ways... 

GOAL:
To joyfully release my excess weight so I can feel comfortable and blessed in my beautiful body for decades to come!

With this plan and my strong sense of conviction, I know that I will be able to embrace my body in ways that empower me to blossom and to physically embody the Goddess in ways that I have yet to discover. I am looking forward to this unfolding journey.

 

I Embody the Goddess!






art credit:
Dakini drawing from Tara Mandala, Colorado